Restless

It is after 2 A.M. here and I have tried everything short of making tea to help my restless mind become un-restless. I have tried counting, I have orgasamed three times, and I have even tried nothing. Just laying with my thoughts and an hour later I am still no closer to sleep.

It seems the deeper into my summer vacation I get without a job the longer I stay awake. I understand why. With one college friend out of town, one that is working, and one that is working and taking summer classes, I am in short supply of adventure mates. With no adventures my body is full of pent up energy ready to be released (hence the three orgasams).

You might be thinking, “What about that fifth serious relationship you mentioned in your last post?” Well. That is part of the reason I am still awake at 2 A.M. on a Thursday morning.

Let’s call him…Coyote. Well Coyote is the perfect man. He is educated, smart, funny, attractive, tall, has big blue eyes that I drown in (I know, cliche), and his hugs make me feel safe. He’s not bad in bed either. In person, he is literally the perfect guy.

Then seven days into little communication and no plans for another date, I start to get restless. We have been talking for three, going on four weeks now, and we have only  been on three official dates. I put my foot down earlier tonight and told him that if he wanted to make this work, we were going to have to see each other more than once every two weeks. He said he is working on it. We will see.

The reason I haven’t left yet is because this feels like the most “adult” relationship I have been in. He’s not a secret from my family (many a poor soul have been), he has been family approved by half of my family (they knew him previously), I don’t have this burning desire to be beside him all the time, and the first time we had sex I was… nervous. I hadn’t been nervous to have sex with a man since loosing my virginity and suddenly here I was afraid to expose myself, not just physically.

I feel by this point most women would have bolted, claiming they need regular physical contact or they need constant communication. Maybe I find it a challenge. Not just him, but I find I am challenging myself. I can’t remember when I last worked this hard for a relationship. Sure I worked with my ex, but communication and lack of dates weren’t out problem. Our problem was his uncertain feelings towards me, but I digress.

I will stay, not for the challenge or his ocean-eyes. I will stay because I feel like my age. I don’t feel like I am playing the games of a sixteen year old still trying to figure out if sex is supposed to hurt. I will stay because this might teach me a little something about patience and being an adult.

-Girl Y

 

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